The most important part...

Last night, I had to call Verizon to correct a charge that had been put on my bill. I was paying bills, and noticed there was an extra charge put on my bill. Needless to say, I was not happy about this. After searching their website to try to find out how I could change that charge, I finally called them. The first words out of the person's mouth was, "Thank you for calling Verizon. The most important part of our company is you, the customer."

He sounded sincere, but I thought, "Okay, he has been trained to say this." Once I told him my problem, he began researching the problem. Instead of putting me on hold while he checked it out, he asked about my day--and seemed really interested. He then asked what I do for a living, and we talked about that. He resolved my problem and then asked if there was anything else he could help me with. He ended the conversation by saying warmly, "The most important part of Verizon is you, our customer." By that time, I was convinced that he truly believed that--it was not just something he was trained to do.

So I began to wonder, when I talk to people every day, do they feel like the most important part of RCC? I am not talking about a tagline to make people feel good or come back. No, do they really feel valued and accepted. Because the church is not a building, a campus, a set of beliefs, a church staff. The church is PEOPLE.

Jesus did that. Everywhere he went, he valued and accepted people. No destination or task was more important than the people right in his path.

People matter. The most important part of the church is people.

CHANGING A CULTURE

One week from today, we celebrate one of the most important holidays in our nation—a celebration of the Declaration of Independence from rule of England. It is usually a very fun occasion, marked by food, friends, and fireworks, of course. But it was very different for the men and women who made this day possible.

There was a lot of hard work, many courageous decisions and sleepless nights, blood, sweat, and tears that made this possible. They did some crazy things. These daring visionaries were not looking at their own comfort and ease, they cared about freedom for their children and grandchildren. Many of them sacrificed family, friends, and even their own lives. And today, we are the beneficiaries of that.

To change the course of a nation takes hard work and determination. The same is true of any attempt to change a culture. Today, we live in a culture that is suspicious of the church. They see the church as always asking, hypocritical, judgmental. And some of that is well deserved.

At RCC, what we are attempting to pull off this next Friday is crazy. It is a lot of hard work. Many people misunderstand, some say it is too much work or too much money. But what we are attempting to do is change a culture—and that will be misunderstood. We want people to see the church reflecting the very nature of God—generosity. We want to love the people of our communities so that they want to come to know the God we serve.

And is it working? Yes it is!!! Just look around you. Many of the people who are coming to RiverTown are doing so because they saw a church behaving differently. They saw people who cared and were willing to roll up their sleeves and give—without asking for anything in return.

So this next week, we all come together because of our love for God and our love for the lost. We will joyfully serve shoulder to shoulder, sweating it out together, knowing that together we can make a difference. We can work to change a culture, one person at a time.

This past week I heard from some friends who used to live in Blountstown. They were asking if we were doing the fireworks show again, because they would like to drive up from Orlando, where they now live, to be a part of it. They came to our first Community Independence Day Celebration 4 years ago. They were so amazed that a church would do this, that they attended church at RCC the next Sunday. And they kept coming back. They both made commitments to Christ, and were baptized. They were married here at RCC. And it is obvious that they still look back on the fireworks event as a pivotal point in their life—when their view of church was changed. And when their view of church was changed -- their relationship with God could be changed.

I challenge you to call each of your group this next week, and remind them of the great time we will have serving together, side by side. And remember, on our summer calendar, we have encouraged groups not to meet, so that everyone can come together and serve on Friday.

See you there.

Empower Others

2009 SUMMER SEMESTER

WEEK 2

Leader Challenge: Empower others to serve

God has gifted each person in the body of Christ to serve. We find that in I Corinthians 12, as well as in other places. I believe one of the best places to serve is in the context of a small group. A small group is really a highly relational microcosm of the body of Christ.

So your job as a leader is not to do everything to make the group happen. Did you hear me? The best leaders discover what each individual is gifted to do, and then EMPOWERS them to do it in the context of a small group.

Look at I Peter 4:8-11 with me:

⁸Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ⁹Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. ¹⁰Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. ¹¹If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.

Notice that when gifts are exercised in relationships (love), the end result is that Jesus is PRAISED!

Look for things those in your group are gifted at, and then encourage and empower them to use them.

• Empower someone gifted in communication to handle that for the group.
• Empower someone gifted in hospitality to plan your food/snacks.
• Empower someone gifted in mercy to encourage someone who is hurting.
• Empower someone gifted in “partying” to plan a party.
• Empower someone who is organized to coordinate the calendar.
• Empower someone gifted in prayer to keep track of prayer requests and answers.

They will experience joy in the process, and your burden will be lighter.

If I were in coma

Today I visited a man who after a car accident, is not able to communicate. As I talked and prayed with he and his mother, I wanted to cry.

• I saw a mother who desperately wanted to know that her son understood what she and I were telling him.
• I watched a young man who is normally very active have to lie there with tubes and wires hooked up to him.
• I realized how scared this man must be--trapped in a body that in injured inside and out.

My mind moved to the thought: If I were in a hospital bed--unable to communicate, what would I wish I had said?

• Would my last words to my wife have communicated my love for her?
• How would my children remember my last words to them? With kindness and strength, or criticism?
  
• Will I have spoken truth that needed to be said to a friend, even though the words may hurt?

Or what have I said that I wish I could take back?


And then a more sobering thought--one day will be my last, and then my loved ones left behind will remember me by my last words.

What will those words be?

Afraid

A few weeks ago, Paul preached a sermon on Trust vs. Control, and the memory verse that we were challenged to memorize was Psalm 56:3 "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."

Now, I don't consider myself a fearful person. I am not afraid:

• of the dark,
• of spiders,
• of frogs,
• of snakes (when I have a gun).
• of speaking in public.

As a guy, at least I know not to show fear in front of others.

So I am amazed how many times in the last two weeks, that verse has come to my memory. Actually, how many times God has brought it to my mind. I am realizing how many times I am afraid of:

• what others think
• conflict
• making the tough call
• having the hard conversation
• making a mistake
• offending someone

You know, fear paralyzes. Whether it is fear of the dark, of snakes, of mom. Or whether it is fear of others, of failure, or of conflict. Fear causes us to hold back from saying what we need to or taking an action that is necessary.

My prayer to God is "when I am afraid, I will trust in you!!!"

Passion Week

This week, I was reflecting on the events and people in Passion Week. Also on my mind was Paul’s talk this past Sunday on the core attitude of trust vs. control.

At the beginning of Passion Week, the crowd definitely seemed to trust Jesus. They were laying down palm branches and even their own coats for Jesus and his colt to ride on. That was definitely an act of trust. And you know, it seemed easy to trust Jesus when he was their triumphant king leading them to victory.

It is easy to trust when following a triumphant King.

But later on in the week, it seemed another attitude was predominant—one of fear and trying to control.

Our trust, or lack thereof, is revealed not when things are going good,
but when they seem out of control.

• The religious leaders, out of fear of losing their influence, plotted to kill Jesus.
• Judas tried to control his financial destiny by betraying Jesus.
• Peter cut off the high priest’s servant’s ear, in an attempt to control with the sword.
• The rest of the disciples fled, for fear of their own lives.
• Pilate dodged responsibility (stuck his head in the sand) for fear of making the religious leaders mad.
• Peter, out of fear, denied Jesus three times.

If you look at Jesus attitude, it remained one of trust. In the Garden, when He seemed to be battling the cross, he said, “Father, not my will, but yours be done”. He trusted His Father.

Then Jesus showed us the supreme example of trust—HE GAVE HIS OWN LIFE. Even his posture on the cross shows his trust. His arms stretched wide. He did not try to control. HE TRUSTED.

Today, we know the end of the book. We know that the Jesus we follow is victorious. The battle has been won—just read Revelation. So go back to my statement at the beginning:

It is easy to trust when following a triumphant King.

Three Services

This past Sunday, we unveiled that RiverTown will be going to three services beginning on April 5^th. As we all heard, the new service times will be 8 AM, 9:30 AM, and 11 AM. Please understand that this is not because we just want to add a service, but because we MUST. Our services, especially 2^nd service, is consistently running about 75% full, and in a rural area, when a room is around 70% full, people will not come back.

Just to share a statistic with you: During the month of February alone, over 1,000 different individuals attended a Sunday morning service at RCC. With our weekly attendance averaging right around 700, that means many are only coming once or twice. And could the fact that we are full provide a valid excuse for them to miss church?

More service times means more room to invite your friends. Our goal is to have maximum seating at optimal inviting hours. And on Easter Sunday with three service times, we will need all hands on deck. So if you are part of a service team (as a leader I hope that you are), check with your team leader to offer to serve extra. Then come to the 8 AM service and then serve the people who God will be bringing. You can encourage your group to do that same.

And, you really don't want to miss what we have planned for Easter. I know we have said this a lot lately, but it is going to be an incredible message, and I guarantee you won't forget it easily. And that friend who you have been trying to get to come to church--do everything outside of something illegal or immoral to get them to come.

And while we are talking about Easter, it would be a great time of the year to celebrate communion as a group. Attached is a document that gives the Scriptural mandate for communion, and well as some ideas of how to do that in a small group.

Daughter Date

Last night, I had a date with my 11.6 year old daughter. Yes, this year I decided for Valentine's day I would take my girls on a date. Had a great time, and she chose Sonic. Heather is the quiet one of our family, and so it was good to get some insight into what she likes.

It is amazing how my little girl is growing up. This year has made a big difference in her confidence and her personality is really showing. I was able to talk with her about boys (yes, they are interested in her . I am not surprised, but they better keep their distance). We talked about friends, what she wants to be when she grows up, and what is happening in her life this month.

My family is very important to me. We have developed routines that help us stay connected. Things like:

• praying together before bed
• eating together several evenings a week
• asking the kids about their days
  
• playing games together
  

These are all "together" time, but there is also the need for times with individuals.

• A date with my wife every other week
• A date with each of my two girls
• Doing an activity with my son (a date with my son just doesn't work)

This is about developing intentional time with each other. You know, this same principle applies to our small group as well. There are some routines that help us stay connected. They are essential, and without these scheduled time, people would not be able to have shared expectations of what a group is about.

• Weekly meeting that includes Bible study, prayer, food, and fun.
• email and phone communication
• fun times for the families in your group
  

But there are other ways of connecting that will help the relationships to grow deeper with individuals. Some examples are:

• Meeting another guy for breakfast or coffee.
• Golfing together (I just had to put this one in)
• Shopping (although I would know this one from personal experience)
• Working out with someone
• Phone or personal conversations

My point it, the routine and scheduled ways of connecting are important, but they are not enough. We must intentionally seek ways to connect with individuals. It is often that personal time together that help the relationships grow deeper than they are able to during the scheduled times.

Sandpaper

There seems to be one in every group. You know, the person who just seems to rub you the wrong way or as hard as you try, you just can't seem to find anything in common with them. You probably have been in a small group with someone who you dreaded having a conversation with. Or you tried to think of ways beforehand to keep them from talking.

Recently, I attended a conference out of town, and as part of the conference, we were told to find 3-4 others who we didn't know, and sit down and talk about several questions together. I looked around for someone, and there was one guy who just looked lost, so I asked him to join me. We were looking for someone else, and spotted a guy sitting all by himself, so we approached him. (He actually looked like he was looking for a hole to crawl into.)

So the three of us talked--or should I saw that one talked, and the other two of us listened. I tried to redirect the conversation several times, but he always centered it back on him. (In spite of this man's serious dysfunction, one of his primary questions was how he could get ordained. I wanted to find his pastor and warn him.)

So what do you do with someone like this?

First, pray for them. Ask God what he is trying to teach you through this interaction. My experience is that God often puts someone into my life who can be "sandpaper" in my character development. So sincerely thank God for them. God, in His sovereignty, puts people together. And sometimes those combinations are interesting.

Second, give some forethought and prayer to how you can deal with them. Ask God to give you insight into what they really need. Is it attention, is it truth from God's Word, is it showing God's grace, is it the communication of a boundary?

Third, speaking of boundaries, decide what boundaries must be set for the group interaction and for your own personal interaction. Then graciously but firmly communicate those boundaries. Sometimes this is best done individually, and sometimes it is good to involve the whole group. You don't want it to come across as a personal attack. But truth must sometimes be presented.

Remember, you can't fix anyone, but God can. And God often uses people to help in that process. God died for every person, even those who are "difficult people". And when I think of Jesus, he often hung out with the misfits, kooks, and unlovely people. And you know, except for God's grace in my life, I would be one of those too.

Share God's grace and unconditional love, and then watch in amazement as God begins to transform your heart. And He often transforms others as they experience Jesus through you.

Life Group Participation

How do we encourage everyone to participate in Life Group? In reality, this is a question of ownership.

There are two kinds of people who attend a Life Group. First, there are those who say, "I go to Kevin's group." They see a Life Group as something they attend--just one choice on the menu of options in their week. They are part of a group because of what they can get out of it.

Then there are those who say, "This is my Life Group." They have decided that this is their group--ownership. They realize that group is not just something to attend, it is relational connections that add value to each person's life, including theirs. They are part of a group because of what they can give to others.

So, I think the fundamental answer to getting people to participate is to encourage them to buy in to ownership. And, how do we do that?

• Use the covenant to establish expectations. People won't buy into ownership unless they understand what is expected. Further, the covenant gives them a chance to voice preferences. This should be discussed in your first or second meeting.
  
• Help people see the benefit of attending the meeting, and connecting in relationships.
• Delegate responsibilities such as bringing food or snacks or making phone calls and emails.
• Ask others to facilitate the discussion, or lead the prayer time.
• Ask others to host the meeting in their home.
• Give forethought to the seating arrangement, so that each person has eye contact with others.
  

I would love to hear how you have encouraged participation in your group. Please email me your ideas.

Communication

This past Sunday, we started 8 new Life Groups at RCC. When starting a new group, the first thing necessary is COMMUNICATION. You cannot overcommunicate.

By the way, this is not important only for new groups, it is important for a group in any stage.

So why is communication from the leader so important?

• It lets people know the obvious things "when" and "where".
• It helps to establish expectations and ease fears.
• It helps the group get to know the leader.
• It affirms that someone is valuable--someone took the time to tell them something.
  
• It can establish the sense of belonging to a group.

What should a leader communicate to the group?

• Time and place.
• What is happening with food or snacks.
• What are we doing with children.
• Do they need to prepare in any way (bring Bible or curriculum, homework, reading, etc.)
• Starting time and ending time.

How should a leader communicate?

A leader should communicate in any way that is effectively received by each individual. Remember, communciate is not just saying--it is not complete until the "receiver" has understood what the "speaker" intended them to hear. Some methods of communication are:

• Face to face
• telephone
• email
• social networking sites like Facebook
• Twitter
• Smoke signals

(the value of the last two is yet to be determined)

Seriously, I have seen all of the above used to communciate in our Life Groups (the smoke signal is a stretch). You have to find out what works for your group. And don't be afraid to try something different. Communication in an unexpected way can yield the greatest benefit. There are some definite advantages of each one, and that might be the subject of another blog entry. But make sure that you communicate.

Would anyone know...

Today I talked to a friend who spent the entire week in the hospital taking care of her elderly mother. She described a roller coaster week of dealing with the hourly changes in her mother's health. One moment they were planning her funeral, the next they were realizing she could be in the hospital a long time, the next day they were preparing for her to come home.

Then I discovered that some of her "friends" did not know for a full week about this.

Some questions came to me. If I was dealing with the hospitalization of a loved one, who would I want to know? Who would I call? Who would they notify? And this notification process--is it gossip or sharing among people who really care?

If you notice, I have more questions than answers. But if we are to continue to grow as a church, then we must develop a culture where relationships and communication are decentralized. We must develop a system where relationships and connections occur naturally, instead of relying on the church office to keep people informed. That is small church thinking.

• Small church thinking relies on the pastor to care; we must develop culture where care happens because the people care.
• Small church thinking control communication; we must create systems where communcation is intentional and natural.
• Small church thinking stifles leadership creativity; we must free lay leaders to really lead.
• Small church thinking is often "it's all about me"; we must continually re-focus people to look outward.

This next week, we are evaluating and working on our systems for assimilation. And if we get our assimilation system right, people will be cared for.

The question would not be"Would anyone know...?" Because no one has to ask, "would anyone care...?"

Where is my focus?

Looking at the story of Moses' interaction with Pharoah this week, I was again amazed at the guts of both of them. Pharoah had guts to continue to defy God. Moses had incredible guts to face not only the manipulation and scorn of Pharoah, but also the wildly vacillating emotions of the Jews.

How did Moses do this? How did he stay focused on what God called him to do.

I think there are two reasons.

The first has something to do with his burning bush experience. That visit and conversation with God was so impressed on his mind, that in the days ahead, when he was tempted to doubt, he could look back and KNOW the God he served. It allowed him to maintain his focus on God's voice, and not be distracted by the voices around him.

I believe the second was he emotional endurance, as Mark Batterson talked about in his blog. Here are two quotes:

• "You have to manage the fear and the discouragement and the anxiety. If you can't, you won't make it. But if you allow the challenging situations to build emotional endurance, you'll be prepared for even bigger challenges."

• "One of the things that has helped me deal with criticism and stress is my perspective. I don't particularly like criticism or stress, but I see it as building emotional endurance. And if I'm going to do bigger and better things for God, then I'm going to need more emotional endurance."

Emotional endurance is not emotional ignorance. I used to ignore emotions and pretend they didn't exist. That may temporarily appear like my emotions are under control. But they are only being stuffed and will eventually explode.

God had taken Moses through a series of experiences to build his trust and confidence in God. He had emotional endurance, so that he could see past the immediate voices of doubt and maintain his confidence in "I AM".

In the New Testament, it tells us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith". This is another member of the trinity, who Moses called "I AM".

God allows stress and difficulty in our lives to build emotional endurance, so that our confidence can be in him.

I recently read a great book by Craig Groeschel called IT: How churches and leaders can get it and keep it. The premise is based on an observation that some leaders and some churches are prevailing, and others aren’t. And when you analyze all the factors, it is not obvious why. When you are with a leader with IT, you know it. When you attend a church that has IT, you know it. (You’ll have to read the book to find out what IT is.)

Then this week, Paul had us listen to a talk given by Craig at Catalyst. He talked about three prayers to pray when you realize that you don’t have IT but you want to get IT back.

GOD, RUIN ME!

GOD, HEAL ME!

GOD, STRETCH ME!


The day after hearing Craig’s talk, I was reading from Genesis 32 about Jacob and his prayer to God when he was getting ready to meet his estranged brother, Esau.

In verse 5, he says “you told me...”. It is obvious that he knew God had CALLED him.

In verse 10, he says “I am not worthy...”. God had taken him through a process of RUINing him.

In verse 11, he prays “Please rescue me...” He turned to the God would need to HEAL him.

In verse 11, he says “I am afraid…” He knew that God was STRETCHing him.

Then in verse 12, he reinforces he restates his TRUST in God. “But you promised…”

I have seen this process at work in my life in the past year. I have gone through a process of being RUINed by God—of realizing that in my own strength, I am not worthy-I am nothing. I am experiencing the balm of His HEALing grace, and now am realizing that God wants to STRETCH me to be used by Him in ways I never imagined. And I am daily surrendering to TRUST His promises.

So, I believe this pattern is followed in each of our lives (the first and last steps are my addition)..

CALL
RUIN
HEAL
STRETCH
TRUST

We can abort the process by refusing to submit to God’s CALL, God’s process of RUIN, HEALing, and STRETCHing. But if we surrender, the end result will be to TRUST in a God who will do “exceedingly abundantly beyond anything we can ask or think.”

Memorial Service

Tomorrow I get the privilege of sharing at a memorial service for a 20 year old who was tragically killed in a car accident last week. His adoptive sister attends at RiverTown.

It is one of those interesting families, and people who would not normally be together have been brought together by this tragic event. Also, people who would not normally sit around and talk with a minister seem to hang on every word I say.

One of the coolest things was to hear the family member who goes to RCC "brag" on her church to the rest of the family. Her description of RiverTown as "a church different than any other" and music that sounds like heavy metal with a great message brought expressions of surprise from the family. To my knowledge, no one else in the family goes to church at all. This lady was definitely seizing on this tragic situation to get her family to experience God's love and truth through the body of Christ that she is a part of.

It reminded me of when I first met her. She had brought her boyfriend to drop him off for community service. That continued weekly, and our brief interaction over those months gradually seemed to soften both of their hearts toward God and church.

In talking to the family this week, I am again reminded of the brevity of life. Our days on this earth are numbered, and as Rick Warren says, "Life is preparation for eternity." And then the question occurred to me, "What did I do today that prepared me and others for eternity?" But then the better question is:

What does God have in store for me tomorrow so that I can prepare for eternity?

Sobering, and thrilling thought. I can lay my head down tonight expectantly.

New Year

I took a few weeks off from blogging, mainly because we traveled for 10 days to see family. We spent a few days visiting Lisa's family, and enjoyed spending time with them and even got to see snow. For 4 days, I had no internet, cell phone, or TV. Talk about disconnected--I started to have withdrawals! But then I realized the relaxation that can come from not worrying about the phone ringing, my inbox filling up, or missing the latest show. Lisa's family loves to play table games, and being in a cabin surrounded by mountains and snow, with a fire in the fireplace, plenty of food, a book to read, and games to play--it was really relaxing.

Then we traveled to NC to join my parents and siblings at a cabin there. Again no internet. I did have cell phone, but kept it off much of the time. I got to reconnect with my 3 brothers and meet my 3 week old niece.

In those ten days, I was again reminded of the impact of a family in shaping our beliefs. Mine and Lisa's famlies are totally different. Each has strengths and weaknesses and, to a large degree, we are products of our family systems.

In the past year, I have come to understand in a new way how my family system has shaped who I am today. I have had to be brutally honest in identifying lies that I believe that were passed down to me. I have learned how to reframe those lies with the truth from my Father God. As I have become honest, it has given me a new appreciation of my family. In future blogs, I hope to share more about this.

Question: Am I shaped more by the family system of my earthly father; or am I shaped more by the family system of Father God?

One of my goals for 2009 is that when people see me, they will recognize that I have been with Jesus. Luke 4 :13.