Consuming or Communicating

I send and receive a lot of verbal and written words every day.  Whether it is on the phone, talking in person, writing an email, or posting on Facebook or Twitter--there are is a lot of information.  Btu the question I have been asking is: How much of it is really communication?

Consuming

• Writing an email
• Listening in on someone else's conversation
• Carrying on conversation while watching TV
• Stalking people on Facebook
• Watching your twitter feed
• Reading the emails in your inbox
• Listening to sermons online

 Communicating

• Continuing an email thread 
• Engaging in the conversation 
• Talking to a friend with no distractions
• Chatting with someone 
• Direct Messaging in response to a Tweet
• Replying to emails, even if only to say "Got it" 
• Engaging in a small group to share what God is teaching you

It got me thinking…in our culture today, we can easily become consumers of information rather than engaging in communication.  And when we take in information and think that is communication, there are several outcomes that happen.

1. We can become proud because of what we know.
2. We become isolated which results in self-deception.
3. We become judgmental and begin to critique the information we receive.

Here is the big deal, consuming information affects our head; but relational engagement gets to our heart.  And we only change something about ourselves when our hearts are involved.

So here are some practical actions to begin to move from consuming information to communicating effectively:

• Learn to listen actively.  This means listen, without thinking of your response and then repeating what the other person said back to them.  Then you can give your response.
• Reply to emails--it lets people know you read.  (This is one of my pet peeves)
• Move your conversations from surface issues and begin talking about dreams, goals, and feelings.
• Stop the conversations in your head and learn to journal your thoughts.  It helps you untangle them and you can become more confident when you speak in a conversation.

So what else would you add to this list?  What helps you communication more effectively?

Any Gentlemen?

Today I was leaving a bank, and as I was walking out, a lady was coming towards the bank.  She had a sour expression on her face and walked look down.  I waited, smiled, and held the door open for her, not thinking that much about it.

And with a dry scowl, she commented, "Well, maybe there are a few gentlemen still around."

It was a reminder to me:

• What I do speaks louder than what I say.
• "Walk slowly through the crowd" applies to everywhere.
• Sometimes it doesn't take a lot of effort to stand out in today's hurried culture.
• A small action can brighten two people's day--mine and hers.

Sandpaper

There seems to be one in every group. You know, the person who just seems to rub you the wrong way or as hard as you try, you just can't seem to find anything in common with them. You probably have been in a small group with someone who you dreaded having a conversation with. Or you tried to think of ways beforehand to keep them from talking.

Recently, I attended a conference out of town, and as part of the conference, we were told to find 3-4 others who we didn't know, and sit down and talk about several questions together. I looked around for someone, and there was one guy who just looked lost, so I asked him to join me. We were looking for someone else, and spotted a guy sitting all by himself, so we approached him. (He actually looked like he was looking for a hole to crawl into.)

So the three of us talked--or should I saw that one talked, and the other two of us listened. I tried to redirect the conversation several times, but he always centered it back on him. (In spite of this man's serious dysfunction, one of his primary questions was how he could get ordained. I wanted to find his pastor and warn him.)

So what do you do with someone like this?

First, pray for them. Ask God what he is trying to teach you through this interaction. My experience is that God often puts someone into my life who can be "sandpaper" in my character development. So sincerely thank God for them. God, in His sovereignty, puts people together. And sometimes those combinations are interesting.

Second, give some forethought and prayer to how you can deal with them. Ask God to give you insight into what they really need. Is it attention, is it truth from God's Word, is it showing God's grace, is it the communication of a boundary?

Third, speaking of boundaries, decide what boundaries must be set for the group interaction and for your own personal interaction. Then graciously but firmly communicate those boundaries. Sometimes this is best done individually, and sometimes it is good to involve the whole group. You don't want it to come across as a personal attack. But truth must sometimes be presented.

Remember, you can't fix anyone, but God can. And God often uses people to help in that process. God died for every person, even those who are "difficult people". And when I think of Jesus, he often hung out with the misfits, kooks, and unlovely people. And you know, except for God's grace in my life, I would be one of those too.

Share God's grace and unconditional love, and then watch in amazement as God begins to transform your heart. And He often transforms others as they experience Jesus through you.