Life Group Participation

How do we encourage everyone to participate in Life Group? In reality, this is a question of ownership.

There are two kinds of people who attend a Life Group. First, there are those who say, "I go to Kevin's group." They see a Life Group as something they attend--just one choice on the menu of options in their week. They are part of a group because of what they can get out of it.

Then there are those who say, "This is my Life Group." They have decided that this is their group--ownership. They realize that group is not just something to attend, it is relational connections that add value to each person's life, including theirs. They are part of a group because of what they can give to others.

So, I think the fundamental answer to getting people to participate is to encourage them to buy in to ownership. And, how do we do that?

• Use the covenant to establish expectations. People won't buy into ownership unless they understand what is expected. Further, the covenant gives them a chance to voice preferences. This should be discussed in your first or second meeting.
  
• Help people see the benefit of attending the meeting, and connecting in relationships.
• Delegate responsibilities such as bringing food or snacks or making phone calls and emails.
• Ask others to facilitate the discussion, or lead the prayer time.
• Ask others to host the meeting in their home.
• Give forethought to the seating arrangement, so that each person has eye contact with others.
  

I would love to hear how you have encouraged participation in your group. Please email me your ideas.

Communication

This past Sunday, we started 8 new Life Groups at RCC. When starting a new group, the first thing necessary is COMMUNICATION. You cannot overcommunicate.

By the way, this is not important only for new groups, it is important for a group in any stage.

So why is communication from the leader so important?

• It lets people know the obvious things "when" and "where".
• It helps to establish expectations and ease fears.
• It helps the group get to know the leader.
• It affirms that someone is valuable--someone took the time to tell them something.
  
• It can establish the sense of belonging to a group.

What should a leader communicate to the group?

• Time and place.
• What is happening with food or snacks.
• What are we doing with children.
• Do they need to prepare in any way (bring Bible or curriculum, homework, reading, etc.)
• Starting time and ending time.

How should a leader communicate?

A leader should communicate in any way that is effectively received by each individual. Remember, communciate is not just saying--it is not complete until the "receiver" has understood what the "speaker" intended them to hear. Some methods of communication are:

• Face to face
• telephone
• email
• social networking sites like Facebook
• Twitter
• Smoke signals

(the value of the last two is yet to be determined)

Seriously, I have seen all of the above used to communciate in our Life Groups (the smoke signal is a stretch). You have to find out what works for your group. And don't be afraid to try something different. Communication in an unexpected way can yield the greatest benefit. There are some definite advantages of each one, and that might be the subject of another blog entry. But make sure that you communicate.

Would anyone know...

Today I talked to a friend who spent the entire week in the hospital taking care of her elderly mother. She described a roller coaster week of dealing with the hourly changes in her mother's health. One moment they were planning her funeral, the next they were realizing she could be in the hospital a long time, the next day they were preparing for her to come home.

Then I discovered that some of her "friends" did not know for a full week about this.

Some questions came to me. If I was dealing with the hospitalization of a loved one, who would I want to know? Who would I call? Who would they notify? And this notification process--is it gossip or sharing among people who really care?

If you notice, I have more questions than answers. But if we are to continue to grow as a church, then we must develop a culture where relationships and communication are decentralized. We must develop a system where relationships and connections occur naturally, instead of relying on the church office to keep people informed. That is small church thinking.

• Small church thinking relies on the pastor to care; we must develop culture where care happens because the people care.
• Small church thinking control communication; we must create systems where communcation is intentional and natural.
• Small church thinking stifles leadership creativity; we must free lay leaders to really lead.
• Small church thinking is often "it's all about me"; we must continually re-focus people to look outward.

This next week, we are evaluating and working on our systems for assimilation. And if we get our assimilation system right, people will be cared for.

The question would not be"Would anyone know...?" Because no one has to ask, "would anyone care...?"

Where is my focus?

Looking at the story of Moses' interaction with Pharoah this week, I was again amazed at the guts of both of them. Pharoah had guts to continue to defy God. Moses had incredible guts to face not only the manipulation and scorn of Pharoah, but also the wildly vacillating emotions of the Jews.

How did Moses do this? How did he stay focused on what God called him to do.

I think there are two reasons.

The first has something to do with his burning bush experience. That visit and conversation with God was so impressed on his mind, that in the days ahead, when he was tempted to doubt, he could look back and KNOW the God he served. It allowed him to maintain his focus on God's voice, and not be distracted by the voices around him.

I believe the second was he emotional endurance, as Mark Batterson talked about in his blog. Here are two quotes:

• "You have to manage the fear and the discouragement and the anxiety. If you can't, you won't make it. But if you allow the challenging situations to build emotional endurance, you'll be prepared for even bigger challenges."

• "One of the things that has helped me deal with criticism and stress is my perspective. I don't particularly like criticism or stress, but I see it as building emotional endurance. And if I'm going to do bigger and better things for God, then I'm going to need more emotional endurance."

Emotional endurance is not emotional ignorance. I used to ignore emotions and pretend they didn't exist. That may temporarily appear like my emotions are under control. But they are only being stuffed and will eventually explode.

God had taken Moses through a series of experiences to build his trust and confidence in God. He had emotional endurance, so that he could see past the immediate voices of doubt and maintain his confidence in "I AM".

In the New Testament, it tells us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith". This is another member of the trinity, who Moses called "I AM".

God allows stress and difficulty in our lives to build emotional endurance, so that our confidence can be in him.

I recently read a great book by Craig Groeschel called IT: How churches and leaders can get it and keep it. The premise is based on an observation that some leaders and some churches are prevailing, and others aren’t. And when you analyze all the factors, it is not obvious why. When you are with a leader with IT, you know it. When you attend a church that has IT, you know it. (You’ll have to read the book to find out what IT is.)

Then this week, Paul had us listen to a talk given by Craig at Catalyst. He talked about three prayers to pray when you realize that you don’t have IT but you want to get IT back.

GOD, RUIN ME!

GOD, HEAL ME!

GOD, STRETCH ME!


The day after hearing Craig’s talk, I was reading from Genesis 32 about Jacob and his prayer to God when he was getting ready to meet his estranged brother, Esau.

In verse 5, he says “you told me...”. It is obvious that he knew God had CALLED him.

In verse 10, he says “I am not worthy...”. God had taken him through a process of RUINing him.

In verse 11, he prays “Please rescue me...” He turned to the God would need to HEAL him.

In verse 11, he says “I am afraid…” He knew that God was STRETCHing him.

Then in verse 12, he reinforces he restates his TRUST in God. “But you promised…”

I have seen this process at work in my life in the past year. I have gone through a process of being RUINed by God—of realizing that in my own strength, I am not worthy-I am nothing. I am experiencing the balm of His HEALing grace, and now am realizing that God wants to STRETCH me to be used by Him in ways I never imagined. And I am daily surrendering to TRUST His promises.

So, I believe this pattern is followed in each of our lives (the first and last steps are my addition)..

CALL
RUIN
HEAL
STRETCH
TRUST

We can abort the process by refusing to submit to God’s CALL, God’s process of RUIN, HEALing, and STRETCHing. But if we surrender, the end result will be to TRUST in a God who will do “exceedingly abundantly beyond anything we can ask or think.”

Memorial Service

Tomorrow I get the privilege of sharing at a memorial service for a 20 year old who was tragically killed in a car accident last week. His adoptive sister attends at RiverTown.

It is one of those interesting families, and people who would not normally be together have been brought together by this tragic event. Also, people who would not normally sit around and talk with a minister seem to hang on every word I say.

One of the coolest things was to hear the family member who goes to RCC "brag" on her church to the rest of the family. Her description of RiverTown as "a church different than any other" and music that sounds like heavy metal with a great message brought expressions of surprise from the family. To my knowledge, no one else in the family goes to church at all. This lady was definitely seizing on this tragic situation to get her family to experience God's love and truth through the body of Christ that she is a part of.

It reminded me of when I first met her. She had brought her boyfriend to drop him off for community service. That continued weekly, and our brief interaction over those months gradually seemed to soften both of their hearts toward God and church.

In talking to the family this week, I am again reminded of the brevity of life. Our days on this earth are numbered, and as Rick Warren says, "Life is preparation for eternity." And then the question occurred to me, "What did I do today that prepared me and others for eternity?" But then the better question is:

What does God have in store for me tomorrow so that I can prepare for eternity?

Sobering, and thrilling thought. I can lay my head down tonight expectantly.

New Year

I took a few weeks off from blogging, mainly because we traveled for 10 days to see family. We spent a few days visiting Lisa's family, and enjoyed spending time with them and even got to see snow. For 4 days, I had no internet, cell phone, or TV. Talk about disconnected--I started to have withdrawals! But then I realized the relaxation that can come from not worrying about the phone ringing, my inbox filling up, or missing the latest show. Lisa's family loves to play table games, and being in a cabin surrounded by mountains and snow, with a fire in the fireplace, plenty of food, a book to read, and games to play--it was really relaxing.

Then we traveled to NC to join my parents and siblings at a cabin there. Again no internet. I did have cell phone, but kept it off much of the time. I got to reconnect with my 3 brothers and meet my 3 week old niece.

In those ten days, I was again reminded of the impact of a family in shaping our beliefs. Mine and Lisa's famlies are totally different. Each has strengths and weaknesses and, to a large degree, we are products of our family systems.

In the past year, I have come to understand in a new way how my family system has shaped who I am today. I have had to be brutally honest in identifying lies that I believe that were passed down to me. I have learned how to reframe those lies with the truth from my Father God. As I have become honest, it has given me a new appreciation of my family. In future blogs, I hope to share more about this.

Question: Am I shaped more by the family system of my earthly father; or am I shaped more by the family system of Father God?

One of my goals for 2009 is that when people see me, they will recognize that I have been with Jesus. Luke 4 :13.