Three Services

This past Sunday, we unveiled that RiverTown will be going to three services beginning on April 5^th. As we all heard, the new service times will be 8 AM, 9:30 AM, and 11 AM. Please understand that this is not because we just want to add a service, but because we MUST. Our services, especially 2^nd service, is consistently running about 75% full, and in a rural area, when a room is around 70% full, people will not come back.

Just to share a statistic with you: During the month of February alone, over 1,000 different individuals attended a Sunday morning service at RCC. With our weekly attendance averaging right around 700, that means many are only coming once or twice. And could the fact that we are full provide a valid excuse for them to miss church?

More service times means more room to invite your friends. Our goal is to have maximum seating at optimal inviting hours. And on Easter Sunday with three service times, we will need all hands on deck. So if you are part of a service team (as a leader I hope that you are), check with your team leader to offer to serve extra. Then come to the 8 AM service and then serve the people who God will be bringing. You can encourage your group to do that same.

And, you really don't want to miss what we have planned for Easter. I know we have said this a lot lately, but it is going to be an incredible message, and I guarantee you won't forget it easily. And that friend who you have been trying to get to come to church--do everything outside of something illegal or immoral to get them to come.

And while we are talking about Easter, it would be a great time of the year to celebrate communion as a group. Attached is a document that gives the Scriptural mandate for communion, and well as some ideas of how to do that in a small group.

Daughter Date

Last night, I had a date with my 11.6 year old daughter. Yes, this year I decided for Valentine's day I would take my girls on a date. Had a great time, and she chose Sonic. Heather is the quiet one of our family, and so it was good to get some insight into what she likes.

It is amazing how my little girl is growing up. This year has made a big difference in her confidence and her personality is really showing. I was able to talk with her about boys (yes, they are interested in her . I am not surprised, but they better keep their distance). We talked about friends, what she wants to be when she grows up, and what is happening in her life this month.

My family is very important to me. We have developed routines that help us stay connected. Things like:

• praying together before bed
• eating together several evenings a week
• asking the kids about their days
  
• playing games together
  

These are all "together" time, but there is also the need for times with individuals.

• A date with my wife every other week
• A date with each of my two girls
• Doing an activity with my son (a date with my son just doesn't work)

This is about developing intentional time with each other. You know, this same principle applies to our small group as well. There are some routines that help us stay connected. They are essential, and without these scheduled time, people would not be able to have shared expectations of what a group is about.

• Weekly meeting that includes Bible study, prayer, food, and fun.
• email and phone communication
• fun times for the families in your group
  

But there are other ways of connecting that will help the relationships to grow deeper with individuals. Some examples are:

• Meeting another guy for breakfast or coffee.
• Golfing together (I just had to put this one in)
• Shopping (although I would know this one from personal experience)
• Working out with someone
• Phone or personal conversations

My point it, the routine and scheduled ways of connecting are important, but they are not enough. We must intentionally seek ways to connect with individuals. It is often that personal time together that help the relationships grow deeper than they are able to during the scheduled times.

Sandpaper

There seems to be one in every group. You know, the person who just seems to rub you the wrong way or as hard as you try, you just can't seem to find anything in common with them. You probably have been in a small group with someone who you dreaded having a conversation with. Or you tried to think of ways beforehand to keep them from talking.

Recently, I attended a conference out of town, and as part of the conference, we were told to find 3-4 others who we didn't know, and sit down and talk about several questions together. I looked around for someone, and there was one guy who just looked lost, so I asked him to join me. We were looking for someone else, and spotted a guy sitting all by himself, so we approached him. (He actually looked like he was looking for a hole to crawl into.)

So the three of us talked--or should I saw that one talked, and the other two of us listened. I tried to redirect the conversation several times, but he always centered it back on him. (In spite of this man's serious dysfunction, one of his primary questions was how he could get ordained. I wanted to find his pastor and warn him.)

So what do you do with someone like this?

First, pray for them. Ask God what he is trying to teach you through this interaction. My experience is that God often puts someone into my life who can be "sandpaper" in my character development. So sincerely thank God for them. God, in His sovereignty, puts people together. And sometimes those combinations are interesting.

Second, give some forethought and prayer to how you can deal with them. Ask God to give you insight into what they really need. Is it attention, is it truth from God's Word, is it showing God's grace, is it the communication of a boundary?

Third, speaking of boundaries, decide what boundaries must be set for the group interaction and for your own personal interaction. Then graciously but firmly communicate those boundaries. Sometimes this is best done individually, and sometimes it is good to involve the whole group. You don't want it to come across as a personal attack. But truth must sometimes be presented.

Remember, you can't fix anyone, but God can. And God often uses people to help in that process. God died for every person, even those who are "difficult people". And when I think of Jesus, he often hung out with the misfits, kooks, and unlovely people. And you know, except for God's grace in my life, I would be one of those too.

Share God's grace and unconditional love, and then watch in amazement as God begins to transform your heart. And He often transforms others as they experience Jesus through you.

Life Group Participation

How do we encourage everyone to participate in Life Group? In reality, this is a question of ownership.

There are two kinds of people who attend a Life Group. First, there are those who say, "I go to Kevin's group." They see a Life Group as something they attend--just one choice on the menu of options in their week. They are part of a group because of what they can get out of it.

Then there are those who say, "This is my Life Group." They have decided that this is their group--ownership. They realize that group is not just something to attend, it is relational connections that add value to each person's life, including theirs. They are part of a group because of what they can give to others.

So, I think the fundamental answer to getting people to participate is to encourage them to buy in to ownership. And, how do we do that?

• Use the covenant to establish expectations. People won't buy into ownership unless they understand what is expected. Further, the covenant gives them a chance to voice preferences. This should be discussed in your first or second meeting.
  
• Help people see the benefit of attending the meeting, and connecting in relationships.
• Delegate responsibilities such as bringing food or snacks or making phone calls and emails.
• Ask others to facilitate the discussion, or lead the prayer time.
• Ask others to host the meeting in their home.
• Give forethought to the seating arrangement, so that each person has eye contact with others.
  

I would love to hear how you have encouraged participation in your group. Please email me your ideas.

Communication

This past Sunday, we started 8 new Life Groups at RCC. When starting a new group, the first thing necessary is COMMUNICATION. You cannot overcommunicate.

By the way, this is not important only for new groups, it is important for a group in any stage.

So why is communication from the leader so important?

• It lets people know the obvious things "when" and "where".
• It helps to establish expectations and ease fears.
• It helps the group get to know the leader.
• It affirms that someone is valuable--someone took the time to tell them something.
  
• It can establish the sense of belonging to a group.

What should a leader communicate to the group?

• Time and place.
• What is happening with food or snacks.
• What are we doing with children.
• Do they need to prepare in any way (bring Bible or curriculum, homework, reading, etc.)
• Starting time and ending time.

How should a leader communicate?

A leader should communicate in any way that is effectively received by each individual. Remember, communciate is not just saying--it is not complete until the "receiver" has understood what the "speaker" intended them to hear. Some methods of communication are:

• Face to face
• telephone
• email
• social networking sites like Facebook
• Twitter
• Smoke signals

(the value of the last two is yet to be determined)

Seriously, I have seen all of the above used to communciate in our Life Groups (the smoke signal is a stretch). You have to find out what works for your group. And don't be afraid to try something different. Communication in an unexpected way can yield the greatest benefit. There are some definite advantages of each one, and that might be the subject of another blog entry. But make sure that you communicate.

Would anyone know...

Today I talked to a friend who spent the entire week in the hospital taking care of her elderly mother. She described a roller coaster week of dealing with the hourly changes in her mother's health. One moment they were planning her funeral, the next they were realizing she could be in the hospital a long time, the next day they were preparing for her to come home.

Then I discovered that some of her "friends" did not know for a full week about this.

Some questions came to me. If I was dealing with the hospitalization of a loved one, who would I want to know? Who would I call? Who would they notify? And this notification process--is it gossip or sharing among people who really care?

If you notice, I have more questions than answers. But if we are to continue to grow as a church, then we must develop a culture where relationships and communication are decentralized. We must develop a system where relationships and connections occur naturally, instead of relying on the church office to keep people informed. That is small church thinking.

• Small church thinking relies on the pastor to care; we must develop culture where care happens because the people care.
• Small church thinking control communication; we must create systems where communcation is intentional and natural.
• Small church thinking stifles leadership creativity; we must free lay leaders to really lead.
• Small church thinking is often "it's all about me"; we must continually re-focus people to look outward.

This next week, we are evaluating and working on our systems for assimilation. And if we get our assimilation system right, people will be cared for.

The question would not be"Would anyone know...?" Because no one has to ask, "would anyone care...?"

Where is my focus?

Looking at the story of Moses' interaction with Pharoah this week, I was again amazed at the guts of both of them. Pharoah had guts to continue to defy God. Moses had incredible guts to face not only the manipulation and scorn of Pharoah, but also the wildly vacillating emotions of the Jews.

How did Moses do this? How did he stay focused on what God called him to do.

I think there are two reasons.

The first has something to do with his burning bush experience. That visit and conversation with God was so impressed on his mind, that in the days ahead, when he was tempted to doubt, he could look back and KNOW the God he served. It allowed him to maintain his focus on God's voice, and not be distracted by the voices around him.

I believe the second was he emotional endurance, as Mark Batterson talked about in his blog. Here are two quotes:

• "You have to manage the fear and the discouragement and the anxiety. If you can't, you won't make it. But if you allow the challenging situations to build emotional endurance, you'll be prepared for even bigger challenges."

• "One of the things that has helped me deal with criticism and stress is my perspective. I don't particularly like criticism or stress, but I see it as building emotional endurance. And if I'm going to do bigger and better things for God, then I'm going to need more emotional endurance."

Emotional endurance is not emotional ignorance. I used to ignore emotions and pretend they didn't exist. That may temporarily appear like my emotions are under control. But they are only being stuffed and will eventually explode.

God had taken Moses through a series of experiences to build his trust and confidence in God. He had emotional endurance, so that he could see past the immediate voices of doubt and maintain his confidence in "I AM".

In the New Testament, it tells us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith". This is another member of the trinity, who Moses called "I AM".

God allows stress and difficulty in our lives to build emotional endurance, so that our confidence can be in him.